A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him. The sheepdog says: “I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!” “You sure you got them all?” The farmer replies. “Yep! All 40 of them!” Says the sheepdog. “40? But I only have 37 sheep.” Replies the farmer. The sheepdog answers: … Read more
A stranger walks into a Ma Pa store and spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of the Dog.” As he enters, he sees a harmless old dog, fast asleep in the middle of the floor. “Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” The stranger asks the owner. “That’s him.” The owner replied. “He doesn’t look … Read more
A blonde walks past a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special – $99!” She walks in, puts her money on the counter, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags … Read more
There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each. The first blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat.” With a flash, a rowboat appears and … Read more
A drunk was sitting in a bar looking at three small brown pellets in his hand. The bartender asked what they were, and the drunk replied “They are brain pills they make you smart.” The bartender says excitedly, “Give me one.” He snatches one from the drunks hand, and gulps it quickly down with water. … Read more
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking about space. The Russian said, “We were the first in space.” The American said, “We were the first to walk on the moon.” The blonde said, “We are going to be the first on the sun.” The Russian and the American looked at each other and … Read more
A man bought a lie detector robot. Every time the robot detects a lie, it slaps the liar. He decided to test it at dinner on his son, who he suspected of often lying to him. Dad: “Son, where were you today during school hours?” SON: “At school.” The robot slaps the son. “Ouch! Okay … Read more
A lady goes into the butcher’s shop and while walking around the store, she sees a beef tongue on the butcher’s counter. The lady asks, “What in the world is that?” “Beef tongue,” replies the butcher. The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, “No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out … Read more
An angry woman with two kids enters Walmart, shouting angrily at the children and at anyone who crosses her path. The greeter at the reception says cheerfully to her: “Good morning and welcome to Walmart.” “Shut the F up.” Grunts the woman. Unperturbed, he says: “Cute kids! Are they twins?” The horrible woman stopped shouting … Read more
My 7-year-old son came in from school today and asked me, “Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?” “Erm, I don’t know”, I replied. “Mickey Mouse,” he replied laughing. “Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs?” “Donald Duck”, I replied. “No, all ducks you idiot.” LOL!! A Dad Asked … Read more