{"id":27422,"date":"2023-04-02T10:39:55","date_gmt":"2023-04-02T10:39:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/?p=27422"},"modified":"2023-04-02T10:39:55","modified_gmt":"2023-04-02T10:39:55","slug":"man-wakes-up-thinking-hes-dead-then-does-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/?p=27422","title":{"rendered":"Man wakes up thinking he\u2019s dead \u2013 then does this"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"63d509947b33dea96ed9a09b2482b63d\" data-index=\"1\" style=\"float: none; margin:10px 0 10px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1554417\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Ralph came home rather drunk.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>He awoke before the Pearly Gates.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>St. Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep, Ralph.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ralph was stunned.\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m dead?\u00a0No, I can\u2019t be!\u00a0I\u2019ve got too much to live for.\u00a0Send me back!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>St. Peter said, \u201cHmm, perhaps that could be arranged.\u00a0It does involves a lot of paperwork\u2026 but sure.\u00a0You\u2019ve got two alternatives: you can come back as a fish or as a hen.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ralph never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn\u2019t be that bad after all.\u00a0Walking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local rooster was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ralph\u00a0replied, \u201cOkay, then I choose to be a hen.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>A rooster strolled past.\u00a0\u201cSo, you\u2019re the new hen, eh? How\u2019s your first day here?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cNot bad,\u201d replied Ralph the hen, \u201cbut I have this strange feeling inside.\u00a0Like I\u2019m gonna explode!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cYou\u2019re ovulating,\u201d explained the rooster. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never laid an egg before?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cNever,\u201d said Ralph.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cWell, just cluck twice and then push.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ralph clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time.\u00a0He then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg.\u00a0His joy was overwhelming.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, \u201cDammit, Ralph! Wake up.\u00a0You\u2019re shitting the bed!!!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-27424  aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/After-a-night-out-at-the-pub-with-his-buddies-n-512x1024.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"266\" height=\"532\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/After-a-night-out-at-the-pub-with-his-buddies-n-512x1024.png 512w, https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/After-a-night-out-at-the-pub-with-his-buddies-n-768x1536.png 768w, https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/After-a-night-out-at-the-pub-with-his-buddies-n.png 800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 266px) 100vw, 266px\" \/><\/p>\n\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Ralph came home rather drunk. He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep, Ralph.\u201d Ralph was stunned.\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m dead?\u00a0No, I can\u2019t be!\u00a0I\u2019ve got too &#8230; <a title=\"Man wakes up thinking he\u2019s dead \u2013 then does this\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/?p=27422\" aria-label=\"Read more about Man wakes up thinking he\u2019s dead \u2013 then does this\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":27423,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-funny-joke"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=27422"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27422\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27425,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27422\/revisions\/27425"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/27423"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=27422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=27422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrhealthyalternative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=27422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}